How Men Handle Relationships

So I had this very long conversation with a Jean (not her real name) one evening and the main topic of discussion was about relationships. That telecon prompted me to write this, just so you girls out there will understand better how men behave in relationships and how they react in certain situations, and not jump into conclusions thinking that guy’s a maniac.

She shared some of her recent happenings with a guy who was interested in her, and was going all out after her. I shall express her accounts with this guy in 7 points :

1. This guy (let’s call him Anthony) happens to be a new friend this girl met, and they found that on their very first contact, they could really click very well in conversation and in mindset. They both had a few very fruitful and very nice conversations in the next couple of days.

2. Jean had a good impression of this guy and started to reckon that maybe, just maybe, there was this special connection with Anthony. Anthony felt the same, but almost immediately jumped into the chasing game.

3. One day Anthony expressed how he felt about Jean, to Jean. Jean acknowledges his gestures and his intentions, but felt that things were moving too fast and suggested that they should just go with the flow and take things slow. She may even need more time to think things through.

4. The screw up came when Anthony was impatient even after clearing the air with Jean, and start calling her a couple of times everyday, even during working hours when Jean was busy, and kept texting her even if she didn’t have the time to reply. When she answers the call, he will “interrogate” her and demand explanations on why she didn’t answer the call. When informed that she will go out with other guy friends, he will ask questions about that guy in jealousy. He will tend to associate himself with Jean when they are not even together in the first place. Things started to get out of control…

5. And Jean suddenly felt that this guy who happened to click very well with her a few days or weeks ago had, as a matter of fact, became a stalker, a busy body, a irritator, or simply put, an insecure bastard.

6. Jean started to keep a distance away from Anthony, and even now when he calls, she doesn’t know what to say to him fearing he might ask more questions and make more demands. She suddenly felt afraid of this guy. And wants him out of her life. She starts to ignore him, hoping he gets the message and moves on.

7. And what turned out to be a beautiful start of a friendship and a potential relationship was flushed down the toilet bowl into a sour, and often painful, enmity.

Does the story above sound familiar to anyone of you? I bet so. Because it happens. To a lot of people. Guys will find that they have been there and done that, and girls will find that they gave similar reactions to the guys. Even I myself have made this mistake before.

And I’m going to try to dissect this down into a study or analysis that makes it simpler for both men and women to understand.

From the accounts above, I can generalize into 2 main situations.

First, points 1 to 7 usually happens to people who have just met.

Second, points 3 to 7 usually happens to couples who are already together and are struggling to keep their relationship intact due to either party wanting out or either party’s change of feelings towards his/her partner.

The truth is, generally guys don’t really want to be like that. In their conscience and with their practical reasoning, they know very very well that they should :

1. Give the girl time and give her space.

2. Call her once a while and keep in touch only when necessary.

3. Know that when a girl wants to talk, she will talk. She will automatically contact you if she suddenly thinks of you.

But funny thing. Men in general don’t have patience. When men are emotionally crazy, they will do the darndest things. Maybe it’s hormonal. When emotions starts taking over their practical reasoning, men react differently and more often than not irritates the women. They become overly worried if they are ignored, and will constantly seek attention from those they like or are in love with. However busy they are, they are able to push everything aside and focus attentively on that person, and deal with whatever comes later.

But power women of today’s era are different. They want time. They want space. They don’t want guys asking them too much questions to which they have to think through before they answer. They appreciate some laughter and jokes and no brainers from the guys. They just want to go with the flow. Because sometimes they are also blank and do not know what they really want, or at least not yet. Maybe they are also not ready for a relationship or to bring the current relationship to another level. The last thing they need is for a guy who comes and tell them what to do and make unreasonable demands. Girls need time to feel what they want to feel. And when they feel like it, they will make contact.

That’s what I’ve realized and learned from my errors and mistakes in the past.

So guys (including myself), try to control that emotion of yours to the best of your ability. Yes, we miss the girls we love, and sometimes we just want to listen to their voices, only to be more disappointed later if we are ignored and given a cold shoulder. We sent them texts and forward lovely messages, only to feel being hung in the balance because they reply with one-word-texts or there is no response from them at all. We’d like to know them better and what they think by asking more questions but they will feel you’re invading their privacy. But the conflict will only get worse if we keep pushing.

And girls, try to understand that guy after you or your boy friend whom you’re asking a breather from. Men’s hearts tend to be softer than their counterparts when it comes to situations like these, and a lot of times they have to be treated with care. The are impatient by nature. However irritating they may be, try your best to open your heart to them and try to understand them better, as much as they crack their heads every time over beers and liquor trying to understand you. Try to understand that their intentions are pure and sincere, and they’re maybe screwing up because of they way they try to express these intentions, which you will find irritating and uncomfortable. But in essence these men are just trying to show you how important you are in their lives.

Of course, in any case, you will definitely need two to tango. But if either party knows exactly what each other wants or needs, this conflict can be made less complicated and both boy and girl can move forward more smoothly and positively, right?

May your relationships be fruitful, understanding, and ever lasting.

Cheers.