I was just browsing for some books on Amazon.com the other day and stumbled upon a book by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross written in 1969, On Death and Dying. A bit of further research into this book reveals that it was through this book that the Kübler-Ross Model was introduced for the first time, now more popularly known as the 5 stages of Grief.
I’m sure everyone, at some point in life, will inevitably experience Grief.
Grief is a complicated emotion in one’s self as a result of Loss. In order to heal completely, one has to technically experience the following 5 emotional stages and if one is stuck in one stage or another, the healing process is deemed incomplete.
Note that the pace of this healing process through this 5 stages will differ from one individual to another, and there’s no way it can be forced onto a person going through them. One may take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back again and forth in this process, but it must be stressed that for thorough healing to take place, this 5 stages must be completed.
So just in case you didn’t know about this, try relating these 5 stages of Grief to what you’re going through now and see whether you’ll agree with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross :
1. DENIAL
“I’m fine. This can’t be happening to me…”
The refusal to accept or to acknowledge the loss of a loved one or an end to a relationship. It is a defense mechanism one puts up temporarily for oneself to avoid reality.
2. ANGER
“Why me? This is not fair! How can this happen to me? Who can I blame for this?”
The recognition that denial cannot proceed any further. Projected rage, envy, resentment, jealousy sets in. This is the most difficult stage for the individual.
3. BARGAINING
“Please let me live to see my son gets married. I’ll give up anything to get my gf/bf back. I will give up all my money if…”
The harboring of hope that one can postpone or delay the inevitable loss. It is usually a negotiation between the individual and a higher being in exchange for a reformed way of life, where the individual will say “I understand that I will die / this relationship will eventually end, but if You could just give me a little bit more time…”
4. DEPRESSION
“I’ve already lost my wife, what’s the point striving on with life? I’m going to die anyway… Why bother? Why do I need to sacrifice so much for my job anymore, since my girl friend has already left me?”
The person facing the loss begins to understand the certainty of the loss/death. He/She may suddenly become anti-social, quiet, and spend a lot of time grieving. This series of actions allows the dying person / person facing the loss to abruptly disconnect himself/herself from the outside world, love, and affection, feeling a high sense of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5. ACCEPTANCE
“It’s not the end of the world. It’s going to be okay. I can overcome this. I can’t change reality, I might as well be prepared for it… I will be better off than him/her.”
Peace and understanding sets in and the individual slowly accepts that death is fast approaching/the loss is real and over. At this stage, the emotional and physical pain will cease and usually the individual will want to be left alone for sometime before the individual picks himself/herself up again and be normal. This experience is also known to many as “the end of the dying struggle”.
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According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the stages mentioned above do not necessarily need to come in the order of 1 to 5. You also may not be experiencing all 5 stages, but you will go through at least 2. It is normal for people to experience several stages in what we call a “roller coaster effect”; switching between 2 or more stages, returning several times to one stage or another before fully recovering from the tragedy.
So what do you think?
P/S: V, this post is specially written for you 
Hope you’ll understand wat you’re going through after reading this!
