The Chinese Ah Moi

Photo from www.vvens.com

The Chase You call and text her the whole day. She doesn’t seemed to be interested. You stop after 2 weeks. She calls and text you back. And she scolds you for not texting or calling her.

The First Date You get to buy her an expensive dinner. And she tells you her parents need her to be back by 12. Nothing happens.

The Second Date You buy her an even more expensive dinner and plus an expensive, thoughtful gift. After dinner she tells you she’s got to attend this birthday party of her friend’s friend’s friend. She says thanks for the gift. You sit there as she rushes out the restaurant. Siao Siao Lan. Nothing happens.

The Third Date You usually won’t reach the third date because you are smart enough to realize that nothing is ever going to happen. If she says that she will call or text you “one fine day”. Just cross your fingers and be hopeful. Pray more. Say more “Hail Mary’s”

The Indian Tangkechi

The Chase You tell her how you’re interested in Shah Rukh Khan and how meaningful Hindustan movies are. She responds by thinking you’re like Shah Rukh Khan. Try not to eat salty food as it will cause your hair to drop off; They generally like hairy people

The First Date You bring her to someplace with mountain views, ponds, railway tracks, and trees. And both of you sing, dance, and run all over the place. And out of nowhere 200 people just appears and dance along both of you at the background. Like this.

The Second Date You meet her parents and set the wedding date. You demand a higher dauri.

The Third Date Wedding night.

The Malay Sharifah

The Chase You borrow a Honda EX5 cub motorbike from a friend and stop in front of her house to chat with her every night. You will sit on the bike with your helmet hanging on the right hand side of the motor handle. She will stand with one hand leaning against her gate. You stroke your oily hair with your hands and she strokes her cat with her palms. Both of you chat until Waktu Subuh.

The First Date You get to kiss her goodnight. She blushes until the next day.

The Second Date You get to touch her all over the place and make out a bit. At the beach. Or at some parking lot.

The Third Date She moves in. A week later, her father, 4 mothers, 18 sisters, 20 brothers and all their kids, 16 grandmothers, and 268 cousins all move in. And you get to repeat this 4 times in your life time.

The White Jane Doe

Photo from businessweek.com

 
The Chase
You bump into her at the locker. You look at her. She looks at you. Both of you get closer. Both of you french kiss.

The First Date
You both get drunk and have sex.

The Second Date
You both get drunk and have sex.

30th Anniversary
You take viagra and have sex.

Arab Al-Katijah

The Chase
You randomly make eye contact with any one of them. Because they seem all the same. Hard to differentiate. You tiam-miu-tiam-ping-ping and simply make a choice.

The First Date
Her dad, mom, brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunties, friends and the entire Arab community finds out. It gets even more complicated if she’s related to Saddam Hussein.

The Second Date
You are either shot dead or stoned to death.

The Third Date
Not Applicable.

BONUS!

Japanese Kawaii-Neh

The Chase
Try to speak fluent English, even if you can’t. Japanese women are generally quite impressed with English-speaking men, because they’re all very amazed at how fast we can converse in English, like how we are amazed how fast they can speak Japanese. Of course, learning the Japanese language yourself will be an advantage. Otherwise, remembering the word “Yamateh” would be sufficient.

The First Date
You will ask her everything you need about Nomikai. Nomikai is a party held among groups of friends at a cafe or bar, more known as Izakaya in Japanese. You show her some cute photos of dogs and cats on your mobile phone. She is delighted. After that you get to do whatever you want with her.

The Second Date
You follow her to the Nomikai at an Izakaya. There you met a lot of her girlfriends. You pick the best seat and you get to know as many other of her friends as possible.

The Third Date
You will bring the girl you met at the Nomikai out instead of her.

Singaporean Lionesses

Women of Pride and Class. I mean, they deserve it. Look at Singapore today compared to the Poor Boleh-land.

The Chase
You have to submit a personal resume to her to prove that you have at least the basic 5 C’s. Namely Cash, Credit Card, Condominium, Car, and Career. Be warned that only shortlisted candidates will be informed. Via email or sms.

The First Date
You attend your first interview with her at Ochard Road. She brings you to Ngee Ann City and do a practical test on you in the Louis Vuitton and Prada outlets so as to be able to verify the authenticity of your resume. Be careful not to over react when you see the price tags.

The Second Date
Your second interview. This time at Clarke Quay. She will bring you to Zouk with her friends and they will collectively judge whether you are compatible with her. You are hinted to buy her and her group of friends a few bottles of MOET champagne. You’d better just tuck your balls in and do it.

The Third Date
Both of you get a little horny and she suggests that you take her home. You try not to let her know that you stay in a HDB Flat and suggests a 5 star hotel instead. You go on like this, buying her Tiffany’s, Cartier’s and bringing her out to expensive places, until you either blow your cover or the blow your bank account.

So, which girls of which race you would rather date then?

I’ve come up with a Part 2 of this topic based on some public requests. Here it is.

Cheers!