Hopperland is a very multi-insectural country but is dominated by 3 major insects, namely the Grasshoppers, Ants, and the Bees.

The Ants generally worked hard in Hopperland, constantly toiling and striving to build up their nests and suppliers for the winter. Stingy by nature, the ants tend to store and hide food (the deeper underground the better), and are always weary of rainy days. To them, it’s not how much food you find that makes you well to do, it’s how much you save.

The Bees, on the other hand, are also hardworking creatures. Being placed in plantations during the Beetle days, the bees have taught themselves well on how to cultivate crop and prosper in agriculture. Bees generally have the uncanny ability to sting, buzz and spin; and as education became more accessible, their descendants have over the years evolved with a number of them becoming Doctor Bees and Lawyer Bees today.

The Grasshoppers, are humble and peaceful insects. They are easily contented with life, and their forefathers have taught them how to be thankful to God for every thing that happens in their lives. But to them, however, the Ants and the Bees were a bunch of funny creatures who do not know how to enjoy life but know only how to work, work, and work. The grasshoppers, on the other hand, felt that life should be enjoyed to the fullest, and decided to sing and play guitar outside their homes, spend all their money on hopperbike modifications and rempit, throughout the summer time.

Seeing the economic gap between the species, when the Beetles agreed to grant independence to Hopperland, they formed a committee by the name of R-Commission where they drafted out a constitution with provisions that states that the Grasshoppers are the indigenous species of the land, and therefore enjoy a special position in the society of Hopperland (Article 153), granting the King Hopper the special power to establish quotas for entry into civil service, public education and scholarships.

The scope of Article 153, however, is limited by Article 136, which requires that civil servants be treated impartially regardless of species. Clause 5 of article 153 specifically reaffirms article 136 of the constitution in Hopperland which states that All insects of whatever species in the same grade in the service of Hopperland shall, subject to the terms and conditions of their employment, be treated impartially.

The R-Commission also states that the provisions would be temporary in nature and be reviewed in 15 years, and that a report should be presented to the Parliament of Hopperland to determine either to retain, reduce any quota or to discontinue it entirely.

Eventually winter arrived. Seeing the ants and bees living comfortably well, warm and well fed, the shivering grasshoppers felt intimidated and questioned in Parliament why the ants and bees should be warm and well fed while majority of them were cold and starving.

Emphasizing on Article 153 and ignoring Article 136 of the constitution, the Grasshoppers called for press conferences and displayed photos and videos of the many grasshoppers shivering and suffering in the cold weather and another set of photos and videos depicting the ants and bees comfortable at home with abundance of food. The majority of the Hopperland MP’s were stunned by the sharp contrast in lifestyle. How could these grasshoppers be allowed to suffer even when they have the special position in society? Something must be done.

So over the course of a few decades, the Hopperland government, majority of them grasshoppers, implemented a string of policies to limit the ants’ and the bees’ economic strengths known as the Never Ending Policy (NEP).

Quota systems were set up to allow more grasshoppers (even with poorer results) to enter public universities and gain preference in government scholarships.

The same system applies to Hopperland government contracts, which requires all main contractor colonies to be owned by indigenous insects. Instead of handling the projects on their own, the grasshopper colonies awarded with the contracts will in turn make a substantial cut, and hire the ants and bees to get the job done without virtually doing anything. This system is so widely practiced throughout Hopperland that a term for such colonies has been coined for it, known as the Alibaba Colonies.

Foreign Insect Investment firms wanting to set up colonies in Hopperland must grant 30% equity to the grasshoppers. The aim was to increase the share of the grasshoppers in the economy, which was actually a good thing, provided if they join the operation of the business and contribute their energy for the betterment of Hopperland. Unfortunately, many of the grasshoppers sold their shares back to the ants and bees, making a handsome sum of food, and went on to celebrate their “success” by building better homes, buying better hoppermobiles, and going overseas for holidays without considering that they no longer have income and their food may deplete one day.

Even with the implementation of the NEP, it became clear later after 53 years of Hopperland independence that a majority of the grasshoppers still did not enjoy the benefits that this policy was supposed to bring, with many grasshoppers still struggling for their lives in winter back in the villages while only a selected few, mostly right and left-hand insects of the politicians of the ruling government, amassed great wealth. The ants and bees had to work even harder to survive and thrive, but they seem to have no choice. The social gap in Hopperland became wider instead of narrower, with the middle class insects more steeply divided; the poor getting poorer, and the rich getting richer.

These strings of policies and practices doesn’t stop at the economic level. They decided to get involved with social aspects of the other Hopperland insects.

Shouts of Grasshopper Superiority began to be heard in around Hopperland and their official religion, Hoplam, was not to be challenged. Demands that the word “God” in grasshopper language should be reserved for only the grasshoppers. It is also law in Hopperland that if an insect has been converted to Hoplam, there is no turning back or if not, they will be condemned to hell. News of confiscation of the bodies of dead ants and bees who have converted into Hoplam many years ago but practiced other religions when they died surfaced into the mainstream media. When asked, the Hoplam authorities insist that their bodies need to be confiscated because they needed to be buried the Hoplam way in order to secure a place for them in heaven.

News of Non-hoplam couples being detained and arrested in public areas by the Hoplam authorities for holding hands also surfaced. A female grasshopper was also recently sentenced to canning for being caught drinking alcohol, attracting international insect-rights group pressures. The sentence was later commuted into community service after much hoo-hahs.

Losing significant rights, freedom and ground in Hopperland, many well to do ants and bees have migrated overseas, sending their descendants abroad for education in the hope that they will prosper better than their parents in Hopperland. From March 2008 to August 2009 alone, a total number of 304,358 Hopperland citizens, including some elite grasshopper themselves, left the country for better prospects in their lives.

The issues mentioned above were just the tip of iceberg. Is Hopperland going to thrive with all these issues and many more in place? Are they able to compete globally with other countries and insects with the brain drain?

Whether this story’s ending will end in “Happily Ever After” or not will greatly depend on all the insects in Hopperland today, whether they are sensitive enough to observe and to judge after analyzing the issues that have arisen over the years, and whether they are bold enough to exercise their rights in the form of votes in the upcoming General Elections to participate in the change.

It’s time to unite for common cause. It’s time to progress.

We shall see, Hopperland, we shall see.

Lim Kit Siang, the leader of the DAP (opposition party in Malaysia) had lodged a police report to “protect” MCA president Datuk Seri Ong Tee Keat after Ong had said that he had received death threats and that there were “dark forces” suborning the Government and Cabinet decision-making process.

My Hatred with Go On...

YB Lim Kit Siang, I got a better suggestion.

Why not ask the police to detain Datuk Seri Ong under the ISA? After all, our previous Home Minister Datuk Syed Albar did that last time to protect the Reporter, remember?

Everything's Down. Including our Income.

RECESSION – The whole world is in for the worst economic meltdown in history.

In this multicultural society of Malaysia, this phenomena is conversed, interpreted and expressed in many colorful languages. For instance:

Bear is the way to go!

1. Hang Cheng Pai

Originating Language : Hokkien
Meaning : Market Very Bad

2. Si Beh Jialat Liow

Originating Language : Hokkien
Meaning : Die Father Deepshit already

3. Ekonomi Slow Lah

Originating Language : Malay
Meaning : Economy Slow “Lah”

4. Sei Lor……

Originating Language : Cantonese
Meaning : Going to Die “Lorrrrrr……..” must pronounce the “Lorrrrr……” with articulation and delays!

5. *Taking a Deep Breath* Haaaaaaiiiiiiiiiihhhhhh……………

Originating Language : Any Language also Can use this.
Meaning : * Disappointed, Sad, Depressed, Screwed Up *

Those are just a few.

GDP now stands for : Great Depressing Periods

For the record, the US is the country worst hit by this round’s financial tsunami, with mega investment banks like Lehman Brothers going down and funny enough, super insurance companies like AIG, also going bonkers.

This phenomena has caused a ripple effect to any countries associated with the Tai Kor (the US of course) of the world, and now economic powerhouses like Japan, Singapore and even Europe, have suffered negative growth or technical recessions.

If you go and ask your parents, or any elderly people around you, they will relate this to a term that sounds somewhat familiar to us - The Great Depression of 1930s.

Kuan Ni Ma... Bo Pi Bo Pi...

“Attendances” in temples these days suddenly appears to be very good, especially in societies with heavy Buddhists and Taoists influence.

A church's "marketing" effort?

Even Churches around the world have started revving up their “marketing” campaigns to attract believers.

Jobless men on streets during the Great Depression in 1930s. Are we going to end up like this?

The thing is, despite all the anticipation for the Great Depression to repeat itself, do you really know what the 1930 Great Depression was like? Let’s take a look at some facts.

Chart 1 and Chart 2

If you take a look at Chart 1, it depicts the unemployment rate in the US from 1929 to 1943. That’s more than 25% of the US population out of jobs during the worst times. At the current unemployment rating of 6.5% in the US, we have a long way more to go before we can declare that it’s Great Depression 2.0.

If that happens, we will have every donkey reason to panic and economic experts suggest that we sell every asset we own, including, yes, money. How to sell money right? Simple. Exchange them with Gold. Imagine the scenario where hyper-inflation sets in and our currency value drops to a super alarming level…

That's how much a beer will cost you in Zimbabwe today.

We would be weighing our paper money on scales to buy, say, a beer.

Are we heading for the Great Depression 2.0? If we are, how come our government seems cool about things? We still hear reports on papers of our leaders saying that we are still in good shape, and our Ringgit is still strong, and our GDP is growing, and…. all those bullshit.

I think probably our leaders have recently dug out, read and got inspired by their Machiavellian political book - The Prince again, because while other countries are talking about how to save their weakening economies from crashing, Malaysian authorities still have time to ban Yoga.

Politics of Show and No Substance

Malaysia Masih Boleh.

My advice to you guys out there:

1. Don’t be over confident. If your business is great now, I suggest saving all your profits as much as possible and keep overheads to a minimum.

2. If it’s possible to liquidate all your assets, do it and keep the cash.

3. Pull your cash out of the share market and wait till January before considering investing again (if you’ve already bought Ramunia PA, I’m very sorry. Better keep the cert then!).

4. If you’re not comfortable keeping your money in the bank, then buy a safe, or put it underneath your pillow.

5. If you’ve got a job, please don’t complain about your boss or your company for the time being. You should be feeling lucky you still have a job!

6. Start learning how to cook Maggi Mee instant noodles. Just in case.

If you still don’t know what to do after reading the above, then just contact me and I’m more than welcome to keep your money for you

Brandon Tan is currently a Life Coach who promotes alternative therapy at Inner Living. As a martial arts instructor and motivational speaker, his work has inspired many people and leaders from all walks of life.

He loves his yoga.

Inner Living

It was a pleasure speaking to him, and here are excerpts from the short Q&A session we had:

Yoga minus Hinduism is still Yoga. Give it a try! For those Muslims who are Yoga practitioners and are hurt by the fatwa, I think instead of taking a defensive stand, use this opportunity to create awareness.

Contact Brandon

Too Sexy pose for Muslims?

The news immediately triggered anger and rage among moderate and modern muslims in the country, who have embraced Yoga as a form of lifestyle and routine exercise to keep their body fit and slim.

They even angered the Sultans, saying that they should be consulted in matters involving Islam because they are supposed to be the leader of the religion in their respective states.

And the rationale for banning Yoga among Muslims?

According to the report in New Straits Times , “In declaring yoga haram, the council said it could be traced back to Hinduism and concluded that yoga could erode the faith of Muslims.”

Malaysia Boleh!

My sincere congratulations to the Malaysian government for once again proving their Boleh-ness to the whole world by allowing a component governing body to freely make such amendments to the law without constructive discussions and careful analysis beforehand.

And my sincere congratulations too for being such a strong nation in times of turmoil like now. Because while every other country in this world are talking about how to save their weakening economy from crashing, ours still have time to ban yoga.

It is always when the damage has already been done where our leaders would only come out and clarify and mellow things down. A few days after the declaration, our beloved Prime Minister, His Most Respected Grandfather Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, moved to contain the damage that has been done, citing that “Muslims could carry on doing yoga but minus the chanting.”

Erm. You may carry on doing Yoga. But no Chanting. If not I whip your arse.

I think the National Fatwa Council has failed to remember that our Prime Minister is also a big fan of Yoga, and he’s probably a supreme Yogi himself!

Don't Mess with the Badawi Yogananda. And No Chanting.

Our country certainly has the best resources any country could ever ask for, and also a diverse and harmonious multicultural society few other countries can match, but we also certainly have the most unproductive, stubborn, and inconsistent government the world has ever seen.

Because if you are going to ban Yoga because you think that it has spiritual and cultural elements of Hinduism, and it will erode the faith of the believers, then you should also consider banning the following from the Muslims:

Bruce is not a fan of Yoga

1. Kung Fu – Because it contains spiritual and cultural elements of Taoism and Buddhism. And it has also been westernized too, thanks to Bruce Lee.

Has meditational elements when you reach a higher level

2. Taekwondo – Because it also contains meditational elements when you reach high levels of embracement.

Suitable for everyone, including Chimps

3. Karate – Because it has Japanese spiritual and meditational elements too. And why do you want to learn something that chimps can also learn?

My oh my, so what’s left for Muslims to learn?

Muslim Friendly?

Silat???